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Potentially Triggering: Rape Culture and Me
Now I am not usually a ranter. Hell, if you look at my LJ history, I'm not even much of a poster. But sometimes things come up that force you to speak. Even if virtually everyone you know has already spoken about it, and usually infinitely more eloquently than you even could. But the events of Wincon 2008, and the various responses that followed got me thinking. And here are the results.
Let me start off by saying that I am an extrovert, a very social, sexually active and adventurous extrovert. I have also been a victim of sexual assault. The two are in no way mutually exclusive. Finally, I am a feminist in my lights, reasonably aware, outspoken and always ready to listen and learn. That said, I, to my absolute horror, perpetuate rape culture.
Don't get me wrong. I sympathize deeply with anyone who has suffered from any kind of violation. I point the finger of blame firmly at the perpetrator and demand that he/she take responsibility and suffer the consequences. But sometimes there's a little voice in my head, a form of instinctual response, that sounds quite a bit like my 80 odd year old grandmother that says "Poor thing, but she/he shouldn't have gone there?/worn that? drunk that?" ad nauseam.
It's a voice I squash sternly. I know it's wrong, I know that's wrong. But I've clearly been indoctrinated enough to have that voice in my head, and that's terrible. I grew up in a country where a girl just didn't go to certain places at night, just didn't wear certain clothes. It wasn't explained until you were older. But you always knew it was so. And it never occurred to me, till much much later, that this was strange. It just wasn't safe to do it. And so we didn't.
I'm older now. I'm so much more aware. Despite that, I continue to follow the rules that were set down in my childhood. I ensure that my much younger siblings are aware of those rules as well. And I suspect some day if I have children, without even noticing, I shall pass those rules on to them, because that's the only way I was taught to keep them safe. And this! Terrifies me!
Am I passing on the culture of victim!shame that I unknowingly imbibed? I think I am, and I don't know how to stop it. I know, from both personal experiences and the experiences of others, that acts of sexual violation have nothing to do with clothes, or bars or public transport. It has to do with bad people doing bad things. But, if it is so difficult for me to subconsciously separate the two, I'm feeding right back into rape culture, and this is unforgivable.
No one should have to suffer from sexual violation of any kind, and if they do, it is never (NEVER EVER) their fault. They should be able to stand up and face the offender without feeling any guilt, or culpability in the act that has been committed upon them. This is the message that I truly believe in and this is the message I would like to pass on. The problem is that on some level I'm afraid I'll fail in doing that.
There's no easy way to fix this. I'll have to keep telling myself that the voice is wrong, and constantly reminding myself of the mistakes I'm making. Things like the events of Wincon 2008 and the discussions surrounding it serve as reminders of my own failures, and for this, Fandom I will always be grateful
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tanndell
Let me start off by saying that I am an extrovert, a very social, sexually active and adventurous extrovert. I have also been a victim of sexual assault. The two are in no way mutually exclusive. Finally, I am a feminist in my lights, reasonably aware, outspoken and always ready to listen and learn. That said, I, to my absolute horror, perpetuate rape culture.
Don't get me wrong. I sympathize deeply with anyone who has suffered from any kind of violation. I point the finger of blame firmly at the perpetrator and demand that he/she take responsibility and suffer the consequences. But sometimes there's a little voice in my head, a form of instinctual response, that sounds quite a bit like my 80 odd year old grandmother that says "Poor thing, but she/he shouldn't have gone there?/worn that? drunk that?" ad nauseam.
It's a voice I squash sternly. I know it's wrong, I know that's wrong. But I've clearly been indoctrinated enough to have that voice in my head, and that's terrible. I grew up in a country where a girl just didn't go to certain places at night, just didn't wear certain clothes. It wasn't explained until you were older. But you always knew it was so. And it never occurred to me, till much much later, that this was strange. It just wasn't safe to do it. And so we didn't.
I'm older now. I'm so much more aware. Despite that, I continue to follow the rules that were set down in my childhood. I ensure that my much younger siblings are aware of those rules as well. And I suspect some day if I have children, without even noticing, I shall pass those rules on to them, because that's the only way I was taught to keep them safe. And this! Terrifies me!
Am I passing on the culture of victim!shame that I unknowingly imbibed? I think I am, and I don't know how to stop it. I know, from both personal experiences and the experiences of others, that acts of sexual violation have nothing to do with clothes, or bars or public transport. It has to do with bad people doing bad things. But, if it is so difficult for me to subconsciously separate the two, I'm feeding right back into rape culture, and this is unforgivable.
No one should have to suffer from sexual violation of any kind, and if they do, it is never (NEVER EVER) their fault. They should be able to stand up and face the offender without feeling any guilt, or culpability in the act that has been committed upon them. This is the message that I truly believe in and this is the message I would like to pass on. The problem is that on some level I'm afraid I'll fail in doing that.
There's no easy way to fix this. I'll have to keep telling myself that the voice is wrong, and constantly reminding myself of the mistakes I'm making. Things like the events of Wincon 2008 and the discussions surrounding it serve as reminders of my own failures, and for this, Fandom I will always be grateful
tanndell